what I've learned in 19 whole months of marriage

I don't pretend to have a wealth of wisdom after having been married for less than two years, but marriage is a life-long covenant, commitment and journey, so we have to start somewhere, right? I do know where a wealth of wisdom can be found, and I'd like to point you and myself right back to it: God's Word.

Maybe things are going swimmingly, maybe they're coasting, or maybe you're in a hard place in your marriage. May I encourage you with things that I've found encouraging over the last year and a half?

First Corithians 13. Love is patient. Love is kind. This does not mean love should be patient or love should be kind. It means love is these things. And if I'm not showing patience, kindness, forbearance, belief and hope in my relationship with my husband, I don't care how emotional and romantic I feel toward him, it's not love.

Let the records show that I have failed. Miserably. But since God has removed my sins and yours as far as the east is from the west (which is infinite, by the way), scratch out my failures and write in God's grace.

God loves marriage! You can think of the Trinity as absolutely perfect marriage. God created marriage because He wanted us to have the littlest glimpse of what that divine unity could be like. Awesome. The fall has marred us and marriage and all of creation (thanks, first husband and wife in history to screw up royally), but God's reputation is at stake in our marriages, so He's never going to leave us or forsake us, no matter how hard it gets. He's not just cheering us on from the sidelines, either. He's right down with us on the field, in the game, on the same team.

So here are a few tidbits I've gathered over the well, months:

  • My husband is different from me. Very different. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, everything.

  • My husband and I are not enemies. Even those times when I seriously thought he was the worst person in the world and believed all the wrong stuff and hated me and our marriage, I found out later that he actually does care and did love me the whole time and does want to figure stuff out with me.

  • My husband has just as hard a time understanding my wants, needs and mental/emotional processes as I do his, if not harder.

  • My husband bears the image of God. He is a human being. With a soul.

  • My husband and I should be friends. This is not a business contract. It's okay to care about play and fun and adventures. God cares about the details. He cares about our rest and refreshment and enjoyment of Him and all His good gifts.

  • I will inevitably have times where I feel a bit lonely. My husband cannot fill every crevice of my soul. These are the times I learn to recognize Christ as the ultimate Lover of my soul.

  • Praying for myself and my husband should be a daily, hourly, minute by minute thing. Prayer should come before all major decisions and serious conversations. Prayer should guide whether I say something or remain silent and choose to watch God work without my help, which tends to work better, anyway. Surprise!

A couple of great resources that have encouraged me so many times are The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian and tolovehonorandvacuum.com by Sheila Wray Gregoire. Stormie's book not only explains why you should and encourages you to pray for your husband, she writes out Scripture-packed prayers that you can read out loud and pray over every area of your husband's life. Sheila's website is focused on intimacy in marriage, both physical and spiritual, and she has so much wonderful, godly advice for parenting, faith and homemaking, as well.

If you're a newlywed, let me know in the comments below if there's a resource that has really helped you. If you're a little more seasoned in your marriage, can you tell me if I've landed on anything here? Any advice you'd give to a newer bride?

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Hello! I'm Faith. I'm a verbal processor who wants to love the Lord and love people with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. I write to think and think to write. I don't drink coffee. I am a dogless dog lover. I enjoy hosting large parties in my home, and I enjoy being alone. Join me in looking to Him and pursuing A Radiant Face.


  1. Make sure to share your feelings with your husband and if you are having a hard time seeing a professional someone to help you does NOT mean your marriage is a failure!

    1. Yes! So true, Janet. Seeking professional advice just means you're smart and want to be proactive.

  2. What a coincidence! We've been married 19 months too!! I can definitely relate to a lot of what you shared here, especially the praying for you hubby part. SO IMPORTANT!

  3. Marriage is three people - husband, wife, and God...