Questions

For the wound of the daughter of my people is my heart wounded;
    I mourn, and dismay has taken hold on me.
Is there no balm in Gilead?
    Is there no physician there?
Why then has the health of the daughter of my people
    not been restored?
Jeremiah 8:21-22

I don't even know how to write this post. I just know that God gave me this Scripture as I drifted off to sleep last night, and that has rarely (if ever) happened in such a clear and quick manner before. So I praise the Lord.

Why do I praise if I have no clue what to write? Because God knew that I and some of you needed to know that it's okay to mourn, and it's okay to doubt.

Jeremiah is weeping and asking questions here. He's having some serious doubts about why God doesn't seem to intervene more in the fate of Israel. Can't You just wave your wand and make it all good, God? Why are You just waiting for them to turn to You, when You already know they won't? Why, God, why?

If all you want to do is follow Jesus because He was a good guy, here's my simple response:

Jesus wept. (John 11:35)

And Jesus asked questions. (Matthew 27:46)

If you know God is real because you have seen His work with your own two eyes and you have felt His presence on your skin and in your bones, and you just don't understand why He hasn't chosen to prevent all wrongdoing and heal all diseases and make everything that's awful in this world good now, or yesterday, or from the start...

Jesus wept.

And Jesus asked questions.

I used to think people like me who wrote and talked about how awesome and good God is never asked questions, never had doubts, that their faith was super-sized, definitely not as small as a mustard seed.

Let me tell you that is not true.

Because I know He is real, and I know He is mighty, and I know He is good. But I grieve and I wrestle and I question with why suffering? And why couldn't You have made Yourself known without the Fall? And why do You only heal some faithful people who pray and ask for Your good gifts and not others?

These questions are hard, but they're real. That is reality, folks. We have questions.

And I know He blesses and works through all of my doubt because He wants me to work out my salvation with fear and trembling and to give an answer for why I believe and to have my own faith, not just the faith of my father and mother.

No matter how small my mustard seed is, He's holding it. Better yet, He's planted it. And every time I stretch to ask these questions, it's reaching out roots.

Don't be afraid to doubt. God is bigger than your doubt. I don't know when and how and what I may question, but I have experienced the living God and the power of His Word, and He is alive, let me tell you!

I had a pretty bad night last night. I had an stressful conversation on the phone, and I cried for a while, and I used a lot of language as I poured out my heart to God in my journal. I wanted to scream it out, but my husband was downstairs, and I didn't want him to call an ambulance or the police. But I was mad, and I hurt.

You know what? He forgave me when I confessed my anger and doubt and fear and heartache to Him. And He blessed me. He went above and beyond and answered two of my prayers immediately, which is way more than I ever could have expected.

One of my prayers was, "God, I have no idea what to write on this blog. I know You want me to write, even if it's only for my good, but I don't want to write just for me. I want to write to glorify You and help others glorify You. I just don't know how to do it when I'm so mad and hurt."

Now you know.

And as I drifted off to sleep, I heard a voice say, "9:20 to 8," which of course is backwards, but I woke up and turned on my Bible app on my phone and opened it to Jeremiah 9:20, which says:

Hear, O women, the word of the Lord,
    and let your ear receive the word of his mouth...

People, I do not have the book of Jeremiah memorized, and I had not read chapter 8 or 9 through in I don't know how many years. That was not a reassembling of what I ate  or heard the day before. That, my friends, was the voice of God.

And then chapter 8 - well that's what today's passage is drawn from.

So I still have questions. But I have some answers, too. And I pray that you will experience the mighty power of God. It takes a lot of humility and vulnerability, and I will be working on this until the day I die, but we've got to open ourselves up so that He can blow our minds. He is awesome. That is all.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hello! I'm Faith. I'm a verbal processor who wants to love the Lord and love people with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. I write to think and think to write. I don't drink coffee. I am a dogless dog lover. I enjoy hosting large parties in my home, and I enjoy being alone. Join me in looking to Him and pursuing A Radiant Face.

2 comments:

  1. I appreciate your transparency, Faith. My eyes almost popped out of their sockets when I read the passage you cited because in the middle of the night last night, when I was up due to pain and nausea God kept putting the words 'balm of Gilead' in my mind. I remember singing a song with that title as a child. I know the phrase and that it's likely to refer to a salve made from a balsam. I know that it's mentioned only three times in scripture. But to be honest, I still don't know why or what God is trying to tell me. And then I read this post. I think I will be noodling on this today as I hug my barfy bucket and I'll be having a conversation with God asking him to fill me in a little more. ;-)

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    Replies
    1. Wow! God is awesome! I'm sorry you have to ask Him while holding the barf bucket, but I'm so glad He gave you that verse!

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